So… today was a slow day.
Also this post is pretty rambly.

I played with my site for a bit((twitter cards are fun!)), laid some flats on one piece I’ve been working on the past couple of days and slapped some colors on that idolish7 sketch((I actually wanted to finish it properly, but… I wanted to do other things and it would have taken me forever. For some reason that scared me and I just left it as a sketch.)). Then I got cold, dragged myself to bed to code some, but started coughing non stop and feeling like crap, so I got nothing else done.

So, there’s this #artvshero tag going around in social media. Unlike the art vs artist that had your face surrounded by your art, this has your art surrounded by your influences.
I’ve been talking about how I am so picky with fanart that I *have* to imitate the original style and that ultimately ends up influencing my art, but when I thought about my current influences((The featured image of this post is my ‘influence map’ from 2010.)) besides Tales of Zestiria’s anime art (because fanarting non stop)… I drew blanks. 

And it hit me that I haven’t been actively following artists nor looking up to anybody in forever… Actually, about a year and some time ago, on my old twitter account, I unfollowed pretty much everybody I didn’t talk to; seeing so much cool art around me from the amazing artists I followed was making me feel inadequate and shitty and like I’d never amount to anything.((I was also in the process of becoming more withdrawn and reserved, and wanted to narrow the people around me… in the end I abandoned that account and made a new one and I only follow people that follow me first, basically. Damn, I should stop that…))

It’s probably been a few years since I saw somebody’s cool art and thought ‘This is where I want to take my art!’ instead of thinking ‘Ah… I wish I could draw like that… But nope, never happening. Stop looking before you get depressed! Moving on…’ . And that’s pretty crappy.((I do have cool art saved here and there that I use as inspiration when I want to do personal pieces sometimes, but it’s very scattered.))

So for a while I’ve sat (un)comfortably in my comfort zone, never getting too ambitious, trying to finish stuff quickly, barely satisfied but not daring to go beyond what i feel I can do, citing lack of time or lack of payment…
Because it’s easier to stay where you are. It’s safe.
It also means you will never get anywhere else, though.

Truth is, I have no idea where my art is going and I’m scared shitless of aiming anywhere with it. And damn… I… I do want to do better, my anxiety be damned.

Now… I think it’s time to find myself a North again. To let myself be influenced by people I admire and actively work towards improving my art in their direction instead of just… doing whatever it is I’ve been doing for the past 7-8 years, never committing to anything except the bare minimum before it gets too scary.

I always tell people to copy, to study and I rarely ever do it anymore. I should listen to myself sometimes “Orz

Now, for the sake of having this list somewhere besides my private twitter, ((Edited: made a page instead of the list w/ descriptions I had previously)) here’s a link to the stuff I want to start looking up to.
Go to > Art Goals