{"id":9107,"date":"2020-09-30T12:21:47","date_gmt":"2020-09-30T15:21:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/?p=9107"},"modified":"2020-09-30T12:21:50","modified_gmt":"2020-09-30T15:21:50","slug":"keeping-on","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/keeping-on\/","title":{"rendered":"Keeping on"},"content":{"rendered":"<div><img class=\"img_avatar\" src=\"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/icons\/vincaexp.jpg\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" alt=\"Keeping on\" \/><\/div>\n\n<p class=\"has-drop-cap\">Man, this new WP editor is weird&#8230; but I like it visually way better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not supposed to blog about bad things, so I won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t, but I will write about my state of mind lately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I am taking a gigantic break from SNS. I say I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not in hermit mode, but I am; mostly because interacting with people makes me start ruminating about shit, and when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m hermiting I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really have anything to talk about. I also decided to step away bc I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m burnt out from art and I need to stop comparing myself to others.<br>NOW THE ISSUE IS&#8230; my brain decided it was time to start doing that shit with VN development. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m glad I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not following anybody right now, but whenever I stumble upon something, either randomly or bc I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m looking up stuff, my brain switches from \u00e2\u20ac\u0153appreciation\u00e2\u20ac\u009d mode to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153comparison\u00e2\u20ac\u009d mode really fast. It didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t use to do that, but since I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m avoiding it for art, I guess it found the next best thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I suspect this is an already unhealthy validation seeking mechanism gone wrong; my sense of worth has always been tied to being better than others (something something spoiled, gifted, only child raised by an elitist family), so looking down on people has been my go-to method of feeling better about myself. WHICH IS SHITTY AF. It used to work back in the days bc I was always a big fish in a small pond, but the bigger the pond gets with time, the smaller I get, so that coping mechanism backfires and makes me feel worthless. <br>I think that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s could be a big reason why I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been feeling like this for years?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not better than others, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not part of the smartest or the most talented or the most whatever, so what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the point? What am I good for? Why do I even bother existing?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It is a very sick way of thinking, yet I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s one of my core issues. <br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ON A LIGHTER NOTE&#8230;!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mom just called me and was musing about traveling to Uruguay for a month to look after a friend\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s apartment.<br>Not her. <br>Me. <br>Because she can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t leave my aunt lol Though, tbh, it would be good for her to leave for a month&#8230;<br>I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have to leave Yenna with mom for a month, since she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be miserable home alone with husband without me, but she can deal if she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s surrounded by mom\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s dogs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Anyway&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Should stop procrastinating and go work on logos&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div><img class=\"img_avatar\" src=\"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/icons\/vincaexp.jpg\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" alt=\"Keeping on\" \/><\/div>\n<p>Man, this new WP editor is weird&#8230; but I like it visually way better. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not supposed to blog about bad things, so I won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t, but I will write about my state of mind lately. I am taking a gigantic break from SNS. I say I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not in hermit mode, but I am; mostly because &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/keeping-on\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Keeping on&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0},"categories":[5],"tags":[472,400,468,473],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9107"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9107"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9107\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9108,"href":"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9107\/revisions\/9108"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9107"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9107"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/deji.ishtera.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9107"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}