Work or Die, and getting ambition back

So, next week will be “Work or Die!” Week. That means I’ll work by rear off to get done everything I want to get done!
It’s not far from my original schedule in terms of things I’d get done daily, with the exception of the fact that, according to my original schedule, I should have finished Winter in Fairbrook two weeks ago and my current schedule says I’ll be done with in in two weeks. So I’m officially one month behind everything. YAY =_=

So, I’ll take no breaks and won’t see my boyfriend for a week.  It’s his birthday this Sunday, and our 6 years and a half anniversary this Tuesday… also we have a birthday party to attend to tonight, and I already had him for myself yesterday and the day before (he’s on winter break so he can stay on weekdays! yay!), so I guess it compensates plenty for the time I won’t be seeing him next week~

——–

You know, I lost my dreams, hopes and motivations in the past. So badly I came to the conclusion dreaming was stupid, because you never know what will happen in the  future and that it’s only reasonable to live today and don’t make plans that go beyond one or two months in the future, otherwise you would just get frustrated.
Career-wise, I felt I’d never get anywhere anyway with drawing anime-ish art, so as long as I could work on what I liked and was able to have a happy family I’d be satisfied with my life. “What about your career? Your achievements as a professional? Don’t you want to get published, be famous or something?”,”Not really, no.”

Now… even if I’m stressed out sometimes, I don’t know how to manage my time properly and lack self-discipline and I’m constantly nagged by other people to get a “real job”, I’ve realized I’m very lucky for being able to do what I’m doing and all, with the wonderful people I’ve met in the past few years.
And not only that… I’m slowly starting to dream again and and I’m starting to be ambitious again!
Suddenly, as I see the games I’ve worked on being released and I schedule time to work on other projects (people sometimes contact me to offer me a small job and I say “sorry, I’m super busy until xxxxx D:” and they go “Oh! lucky you!” ) , I find myself wanting more! For the first time in a looooong time I’m looking to find ways to improve my skills, to get better at what I’m doing, so my work will help projects be successful and loved so one day in the distant future people may look at my art and say “hey, you know this artist Deji?” “Yeah! She’s the artist of xxxx and xxxx!! I even got her artbook! I love her!” (xD) , just like I do with the artist I like and admire now C:
I finally want to do things again! And the best part is that I feel I *can*!

I’ve added many new goals to my rather empty life goals list lately, it makes me happy. I don’t know if I’ll be able to fulfill them all, but hey, one can dream C:

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This entry was posted on Friday, July 16th, 2010 at 12:04 pm and is filed under General Talk, Life, Work. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.