Today I thought
“Hey! I’m drawing Len and Rin like a maniac lately and it’s very likely I’ll keep drawing them for a while… so why not focus those efforts into a Visual Fanbook? I’ve always wanted to publish a fanbook…”
It seemed like a great and fun idea!
But, you know, it made me realize something when I was writing a journal post on deviantART about it.
Besides the fact that like most of my previous ideas/projects it’s very likely it’ll be dropped after a week or so with lots of plotting but no action taken, I realized me and a good bunch of other people are expecting other things from me than doing a visual fanbook . I’m talking about my own projects.
I’m talking about Ishtera and Vinca.
Ishtera is my pet project. I love it. I daydream about it day and night, despite the fact that me and Suppi suck at writing stories and that half of it is hazy and undefined. I’ve been toying with it for 5 years now.
The only thing I’ve ever accomplished with it was the deceased Ishtera Forums and its lovely roleplay set in the world of Ishtera, and my ishtera Character Book that I made as an assignment a couple of years ago (that is now awfully outdated).
Anythings else has been scrapped or left in the oblivion.
Me and Suppi are unable to write.
Suppi is unable to make it into a videogame as he’d like it to be.
I am unable to draw everything that needs to be drawn in order to trully show this wold we’ve been constructing for years; I lack skills of environment design, architecture, creature and machinery design, action drawing… I lack all that D:
Me and Suppi have set our expectations so high for this and developed our skills during this time so little that it’s scary to even try.
I makes me sad ;_;
Vinca is my other pet project.
Originally she was made to join EnterVOID, a website where people have their characters and draw comics to compete with other artists using their characters too.
It seemed like a good opportunity to develop my comic-making skills and my action-drawing skills, so I joined.
Then I developed a story for her and I got involved on a bigger and cooler story with other characters!
And now I’m scared.
Again, I set my expectations so high and developed my skills so little it’s scary to even try.
I’m also scared of going to post my crap at Void because I’m sure nobody will like it and people will look at me weirdly for not having developed any skill for the past two years and will tear my stuff apart D:
Suppi keeps saying:
“Take responsibility of your character, get her out of Void and make a webcomic or something with her, so you won’t have to deal with all that is scaring you anymore”,
but I don’t want to leave the people I plotted this whole thing with ._. It wouldn’t be fair for them D: It’s not that I’ve been helping them either for the past year, but still .____.
Of course the answer to all this, as to most my insecurities, is just go and do it. And if it fails, do it again but better. The experience itself will be a good way to develop and polish what I’m lacking.
Yet again it’s so hard to follow this simple and obvious advise.
And I should learn to manage my time better once and for all >>;
Tags: bleh, fail, improving, Ishtera, me, project, rant, Vinca