Awfully unproductive =o=

Awfully unproductive =o=

It’s been raining a lot. That normally means unmotivated and bleh-mode Deji =_=;
I should have worked on commissions and sprites, but didn’t work on them at all.
yesterday I spent ALL DAY (minus morning, I woke up at noon…) coloring Taisho Marisopa, and I barely touched it today (it’s lacking the BG).
Instead I wasted time looking at websites offering printing services and procrastinating randomly.

So… yeah.
I made some new business cards, since I’m going to start working soon (hopefully). Hopefully I’ll get them printed this time Dx;

dejibizcards1
I’m uncreative, so I based them off my portfolio layout, lol. Can’t decide which one I like the most, so maybe I’ll get both printed…
And a couple of random ones with just my nick and deji.ishtera.net instead of my portfolio…

dejibizcards2


(Random mini bleh rant at 2am ahead, nothing else is interesting here, you may stop reading now~)

Now I’m down because I was looking at the works and sketches of a really good and inspiring artist (for me) and I felt like a little piece of crap for not having spent EVER as much time as she has on drawing things and perfecting her style.  I feel like a failure sometimes, I reuse the same poses again and again and everything I do seems very static… I’m still scared of backgrounds so I avoid them and I don’t even try to draw them.
Now that I’m going to start the internship/professional practice thing full time I’m scared I won’t be able to produce Dx (btw I won’t be drawing anime at all, but children’s books style drawings)

Sometimes… I wonder if I really should be pursuing illustration as a career and a job that will pay my bills for the rest of my life. Sometimes I think I’m not suited for this  DX;  I’m lazy and unorganized, not creative, I have bad time managing skills… Sometimes I kick myself mentally really hard for having dropped two careers to study illustration. Seriously, what was I thinking =_=; No wonder all my relatives and family acquaintances lost faith in me 9_9
I got into Graphic Design at a very good university (because mom said I’d be a starving artist if I went for art or illustration), with the best score on the entrance test, but I was too immature and uncreative and couldn’t handle the work load so I dropped it. First year was a mix between Graphic and Industrial design, I wonder if it was only graphic from the start I would have done better…
Then I spent one year in cram school because the general university entrance test ws changed, and I didn’t know what to do with my life at all.
The year after that i got into Engineering at, again, a very good university, because I thought “hey, i spend the whole day in front of a computer, why not to study something related…” And mom convinced me to take the general course at a good university instead of going for the specific course on a less prestigious place. And I hated it. Physics (mechanic) was a torture. Calculus was painful, Algebra got boring and Programming was nice. I only lasted 6 months and dropped it, and I wasn’t doing that bad, actually… >_o

If I hadn’t dropped any of those careers, I’d probably have my diploma by now and would be working somewhere and would be drawing for fun on my free time and wouldn’t be worrying about this useless stuff at 2 am. Instead, I chose a crappy place to study illustration for 3 years, and now it’s bee 5 years and I haven’t graduated yet. Go me…


Well, things will work out eventually, I hope.

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This entry was posted on Monday, September 7th, 2009 at 1:41 am and is filed under General Talk, Life, Other graphics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.